Catastrophic Success

David from The Whatever Files and I were talking about MMORPG’s today as he has recently become quite addicted to City of Heroes.

I have studiously avoided MMORPGs because of the highly detrimental impact that my addictive MUDding had on my relationship with the not-yet Mrs. Bixby (Not Her Real Name). Knowing just how easily my brain can be consumed by an ever-available electronic alternate universe has staved off such a refocused addiction to the MUD’s grandchild and most likely a divorce.

However, several of my friends play MMORPGs and of them, most play World of Warcraft, which I have seen. While pretty (oh, so pretty), it is both too taxing on computer hardware to allow me to run the program and would be too taxing on my marriage to allow me to run the program.
That in mind, when David sent me this, I realized that this could be written my dear wife, then-girlfriend, circa 1996 – 1997.

After a quick google search, it appears that this came from Marc’s World of Warcraft – WOW – Blog. His May 23rd post contains this posting. It seems that it came from Western Washington University where a disgruntled gaming widow posted this on all the bathroom door’s of the men’s floors. In fact, it appears that all of the parentheticals are from Marc’s some WWU-attending chum. I found this quite funny and have sent it to all my WoW-playing friends.

UPDATE 12/3/05: Marc found this site and
I verified the attribution with him on his site, and he affirms that he did not write it, but rescued it from the WoW forums quite some time ago:

misterbixby,

You started out attributing it appropriately. I did not write this. I did get it off of the WoW General forum months ago.

I really apprecaite the plug! I think you have brought me alot of traffic.

Alot of folks have enjoyed that post.

No problem Mark, glad for what little traffic I can send your way. END UPDATE.

Be on guard fellas, the ladies may be stewing! I suppose this probably should be a Friday Funny, but after last night’s debacle, I’m just happy to be able to post anything.

I’m sure by now most of the residents in Nash Hall have experienced the cult following that is World of Warcraft. I’m also sure that the majority of men in the building either has given into this phenomenon individually, or has a roommate, friend, or RA that’s fallen. Being one of the many women in Nash Hall (our dorm) involved in a relationship with a man whose life is no longer is own, I have a few things to say.

1. Realistically, most girls despise World of Warcraft. With the exception of ________(girlfriend of _______and fellow wow-er, lucky dog) and very few others, girls just have no interest in it whatsoever. We do not care what level you just hit, we do not care what boss you’re about to kill, we do not care how many days you’ve spent wasting your life away, and we absolutely DO NOT care how “f-ing” hot your character is (her boyfriend has a female night elf.) So stop telling us or you’ll be single very, very soon. No one wants to date a junkie.

2. Don’t you have class or something? It seems to me that we live in a government sponsored insitution, NOT in your mom’s basement. I don’t think President Bush would be very happy to hear that his funding is going toward a Univeristy full of ridiculous boys who are wasting the public’s hard earned tax dollars (would he really care?) How much does it cost to attend Western? (about 3 grand a quarter, or 9k a year) And how much does your account cost a month? (15 dollars even) I won’t even bring up the point that you are here to study and gain ACTUAL, not computer animated, knowledge, and that you could be saving mucho dinero staying in your own house and letting someone live in Nash who actually deserves to be here. Anyone ever heard that song by Ben Folds Five, “Song for the Dumped?” Yeah. That’s what I thought.

3. Hey, have you ever heard the words “Personal Hygiene?” I think not. Judging by the smell wafting down from the 3rd, 5th, and 6th floors,(the guy floors in the building) us ladies of floor 1 have had to invest in a serious supply of air fresheners. When was the last time you actually took a shower? I know for a fact that several residents on the 5th and 6th floors have gone about 3 days without showering, and usually wear the same shirts and pair of underwear for days on end. No wonder everyone’s door is always locked. They are trying to keep the smell stifled inside their room, which is disgusting. TLC had it right when they didn’t want No Scrubs. You scrubby boys had better knock if off.

4. What the hell are those stupid headsets? Do you work in the Taco Bell drive-thru? It sure smells like it on your floor. If so, I’d better be getting a discount. What, do you need reassurance that you actually do have friends who understand your addiction? You wonder why girls go to the bathroom in pairs, or why they get pissed when you can’t tell what they are thinking. This is the same thing, and just as mind-boggling. Why do you need to talk to other computer nerds while playing the game? Does your score improve with the number of friends you have online? Or maybe you met your other girlfriend who is 36, divorced, and lives in Kentucky with her 15 cats. Sure sounds like a winner to me.

5. What is your age again? Last time I checked, Western Washington University did not admit 12 year old boys into its academic program. I don’t think the admissions office would be too pleased to hear about the progress of its North Campus (location of our dorm on campus) students. It’s nice that you college men have found a piece of common ground, but honestly this is ridiculous. If you have your RA, your roommate, your friends across the hall, your girlfriend’s ex boyfriend, and the guy who beat you last week in poker all on the same server going on a quest, you know you’ve hit rock bottom. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next thing I see is someone running down the hall with a pillowcase cape tied around their neck, scantily clad in Power Rangers underwear, crying because so-and-so just stole their star wars action figure or holographic Pokemon card. Honestly, that’s just not okay.

Be happy that I chose to keep the concerns to only 5. I know these perfectly valid points may be hard for some of you to hear. But realistically, it’s the truth. The moral of the story is; boys, don’t ignore girls of any status, girlfriend or not girlfriend, just to sit around all night in your boxers with chip crumbs on your belly, playing this infernal game. Keep it up, and the words “we need to talk” or “this just isn’t working out” or even the dreaded “I met someone else” will arise in the not so distant future. And I can just see each and every one of you, sitting there dumbfounded as to what could have possibly gone wrong. Everything was just so perfect. Speaking of which, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Have a good life alone in Molten Core.

Apparently, this wasn’t a real break-up letter, but just a word of warning from the co-ed populace.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 26th, 2005 at 2:35 pm and is filed under geeking out. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.