A real Friday Funnies post! However, today’s will be shorter than yesterday because it took more time and you’ll see why … but I’m saving it for the end!
So World AIDS day was yesterday and some people held vigils, some released balloons and some turned condoms into balloons. But none of that was good enough for Buenos Aires. Nope. They picked the largest phallic symbol they could find and “sheathed their dagger.”
Thank goodness Washington didn’t have the same idea! And really, did it
Ever wanted to feed your inner Dahmer? Don’t want the label of cannibal? Are you not a meatatarian, but wonder what your boyfriend really tastes like? Try Hufu(tm)! Human Flavored Tofu! I imagine this is brought to us by the same folks who brought us Bonsai Kitten. I think I’ll take a page from Snopes here and assume the finger-tasting-goodness is a hell of a good hoax.
Have yourself a laughy little Christmas. Looks like every holiday forward I’ve ever received is here. Click and enjoy!
Sometimes I’m deluded into thinking I’m a fun, funny and original Dad. Then some jamoke with a killer sense of humour and a completely original idea comes along and rips the ground right out from under me. “viktor_57 is an amazon.com reviewer. viktor_57 is a big fan of many of his son’s and daughter’s toys. We discovered him while doing some field research for Santa Claus. Genius that he is, vik rewired and animated said dolly and set it loose to wreak havoc on the world. Thankfully, he got it under control, but it sounds like it was a near thing indeed. He stopped her just after she attained consciousness thanks to Google and destroyed the AI. Just in time too.
Read all of his reviews, and do it quickly because the review that I mentioned earlier has already been taken down. What a shame, too; it was brilliant. If viktor_57 see this and wants to post the review, he’s welcome to send it to me and I’ll post it here.
And last, but certainly not least, a first for Friday Funnies. I gadly present the first non-intarweb Friday Funny. I think I am still registered as a Democrat because I like voting in their Primaries and you have to declare in Illinois. However, over the last two years, I have somehow started to receive Republican Party information (flyers, brochures, voting guides, Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Commemorative Coffee Mugs ™, etc.) and I got one in the mail yesterday for Kathy Salvi who is running for the House of Representatives seat currently occupied by young Democratic upstart Melissa Bean (remember this). Bean defeated Phil Crane in 2004 to take over his long-held seat in the 8th District of Illinois, so Bean is just finishing up her Freshman year. Salvi is already on the move for the ’06 election.
I received a card about 8 1/2″ by 11″ (Landscape oriented). Looking at the back of it, you can see that she has some very good things to say for herself (click for large image):
- Make the Bush Tax Cuts Permanent – OK Cool. I’m down with that
- Battle Wasteful Government Spending. – OK, I’m way cool with that, but it will be a neat trick since you also promise to “Direct more dollars into classrooms.”
- Protect the Second Amendment – Damn Straight!
- Support the War on Terror – Gonna have to go with my previous comment: Damn Straight!
But see, I don’t really know anything about Kathy Salvi, so I don’t know if I support her or not. However, that is not why I’m posting this in Friday Funnies and not Politics. You see, the card she sent, not only has a back. No Sir! It has a front too! On this front, we have a collage of some politically-opposite officeholders, the LEAST recognizable portion of the Chicago Skyline, some faked-up protest placards and … well, see for yourself (click to make with the biggy biggy):
And so we see an abhorrent picture of Hillary Clinton, Chubby post-whacko-beard Al GoreA real Al Gore-ish looking picture of Dick Durbin, Chicago Rod Blagojevich and…
What could that be in the bottom center? Let’s take a closer look shall we?
Some hippie dude in a $15 store-that-only-shows-up-within-a-month-of-Halloween-bought costume? I swear I saw that costume in a flyer this past Halloween and spent the morning scouring Google images in search of that costume so I could share it with you. The closest I came was this:
originally from here.
You’re kidding me. Right? You have got to be joking. You’re going to send out promotional material for your campaign with a bad photoshopped postcard blown up to full paper size, then you include a non-Illinois politician and not only is she not your opponent, she doesn’t represent your state and she’s IN THE SENATE then you’ll include only ONE Illinois politician AND IT ISN’T YOUR OPPONENT!!! Fine, Al Gore and Fine, Hillary Clinton stirs the emotions of the Kool-Aid drinkers on the right. I get that, it makes sense. Blago has had some controversy lately and tends to piss of Republicans. OK. Jesse Jackson, maybe? How about you include Melissa Bean in your shot though since you are running against her! Or maybe she doesn’t fit your Loose Liberals motif you got going, ok, how about Dick Durbin? He’s certainly put his foot in his mouth over the last 6 months. You could have included him (and I don’t understand why you didn’t). (ed: it took 5 looks at the image to realize that she DID, in fact, include Dick Durbin, but this puffy-faced squinty-eyed shot is the least recognizable I’ve ever seen him. My apologies to Ms. Salvi for the Gore/Durbin-related portion of this rant, since struck-out. The rest stands.)
But to instead include some fake hippie is downright stupid. It certainly doesn’t look like you had anyone you knew pose for it in this cheap costume… It looks like you cut it out of the sales flyer and slapped it on your collage! He looks AWFULLY happy to be standing in as your loony left-wing moonbat, when something like this or this would me more appropriate to illustrate your point.
I haven’t decided my vote yet and since I voted against Melissa Bean once, you have a good chance of me voting for you, as long as you promise to never again use a Sunday newspaper flyer to construct your campaign materials. Stick to delivering your ideas and explaining them in terms every voter can understand. Also, since it seems you are just starting out and aren’t quite spoiled by the process yet, we don’t just want to know what you want to do, tell us how you plan to do it. Write up a few bills and post them on your website. Use your blog, and not just during the campaign. Use it throughout your term and turn on commenting. You could be one of the first Representatives to actually use the internet as an effective way of staying in contact with your constituents. Do those things I will not just vote for you, I will campaign for you.
This ends this week’s MisterBixby’s Friday Funnies and Unsolicited Political Advice and Mockery.